Expectation without Explanation

My newsletter article for March:

Last week I was talking with a co-worker about the expectations that churches have for their people, many of which those people may be completely unaware of.  In all churches, there are expectations of behavior, attitude, and ritual, and often we simply assume that people know what we're doing and why we're doing it.  As we talked, we began to refer to it as "expectation without explanation."  This phrase as sent my brain whirring, and as I have thought about this concept more and more, I have realized how much this idea applies across the board today, at least for my generation.  I don't have the age or historical knowledge to be able to tell you what life was like back in the 1950s and '60s, but I can tell you what I see and hear in our post-hippie, post-MTV, post-AOL world:  Its not enough to know what we're supposed to do... we want to know why.

How does this concept play out in your life?  That depends on your relationships I suppose.  In your marriage, you probably have expectations of your spouse that involve chores, or money, or raising the children, or behavior, or attitude, or whatever.   Not only is it important to verbalize these expectations (they aren't a mind reader!), make sure you say why these things are important to you.  Similarly, as a parent you have expectations of bed times, friend choices, schoolwork, etc.  First verbalize, and then explain.  NO matter how old your child, it is important that they know why you want them to do something, and "because I say so" is not an explanation, it's an excuse.

Other ways?  How about if you are a child with expectations of your parents?  Have you told them what they are?  Have you explained why these things are important to you?  Knowing why something is important to somebody often leads to more rational discussions and less explosions.  If you are a teacher or mentor of any kind, does the person looking to you as an authority understand why the things you are asking them to do are important?  Students of all ages are far more engaged when they know why they are doing something.  If you are a boss or manager, you will find that you employees are far more willing to act according to your expectations if they are able to discuss with you the merit of those expectations and understand why you want them to accomplish the task.

An explanation generally takes one, maybe two more sentences than the expectation; a small price to pay for a better understanding and greater unity in your world.