Fatherhood Part 1

Its an interesting thing, being a new father.  The bundle of emotion, the lack of sleep, the realization 3 months in that I could no longer picture life without her...  all of it does some strange things to your life, your relationships, and your thinking.  Ashlynn is now nearly 9 months old, and I think I have found the strangest role of being a new father: the third wheel.

In some sense, my daily living is like being the third wheel on a date (without all of the uncomfortableness).  Even if those two people are your two best friends in the world, you know, at some point in the evening, you will just not be as important to them as they are to each other.  It doesn't mean they don't care; it just means that the connection between the two of them is so strong you will never be able to compete.

In my case, I have the pleasure of spending some part of (almost) every day with the two people I love most in the world, my wife and my baby girl.  I don't think I could possibly cherish that time enough, and I look forward to getting as much of it as possible.  The three of us make a dynamite team, a unit that feels like the definition of completion.  And I am more needed now than I have ever been in my entire life.  My wife needs my emotional, mental, and physical support; she needs a parenting teammate in every sense. My baby needs us for everything, and when Mommy isn't around she knows that I am her knight-in-shining-armor, ready to give her the world.  But that's just it: "when mommy isn't around" is the key phrase there.

When Mommy is around, there is no doubt who the preferred arms, chest, and shoulders belong to.  And when Mommy is around Baby, it is undoubtedly the highlight of Mommy's existence.  I have no doubt that they both love me very much, but I am relegated to the role of "third wheel," for I have no hope of competing with the type of magnetism that can only develops from being completely and wholly enveloped in a person for nine solid months.

I don't want this to sound like I am in an attention and love competition, because I don't view it that way (I don't think).  This is simply my observation of my current role, knowing full well that my role will be constantly evolving to meet their needs, because meeting their needs will always be the focus of my role.  And who knows? 

Maybe one of these days she'll be a daddy's girl after all...