About two weeks ago, my wife Wendy talked me into getting a blog. My desire to preach is currently somewhat unfulfillable and my desire to write seems somewhat stymied. "So," she said, "write a blog; even if nobody reads it." Seemed like a great idea. Still does, really. But after creating this little doodad that night, I have been really struggling with what to write for my 1st ever blog. This seemed like a momentous occasion, although I'm not really sure why. Its not that I expect this to become some world renowned blog site, its just that the standard "hi, I'm me" intro blog didn't seem adequate. If this blog is the launching pad for my thoughts, shouldn't starting the engine come with a little more fire and ferocity? Then last night I came across this quote in a Phillip Yancey book I've been reading called Soul Survivor: How My Faith Survived the Church:
"I cannot conceive the necessity for God to love me, when I feel so clearly that even with human beings affection for me can only be a mistake. But I can easily imagine that He loves that perspective of creation which can only be seen from the point where I am." - Simone Weil
Taking off on the idea that we all have a unique perspective of the world, one that is given to us and loved by God, Yancey used this quote to talk about the shyness that a writer must overcome, the "fear that we are being arrogant by thrusting ourselves upon you the reader, and egotistical by assuming that our words are worth your time." I think this is my problem with Facebook, Myspace, blogging, Twitter, and any other form of social media: why would anyone care what I have to say? So I don't update my facebook status, myspace status, or twitter account, and heretofore have never blogged. This blog is, if nothing else, my attempt to overcome that shyness. It is my sincere hope that if you are reading this, you somehow find the words in this blog and any that follow to be "worth your time."
Weil's quote, however, goes even deeper than that. I have never before seen anyone so accurately sum up my feelings towards God. Beyond the simple fear of sharing my perspective with the world, waiting with bated breath for their approval, in my heart I think I'm constantly questioning whether God finds me to be worth His time. I teach and preach about God's love as often as I can fit it in, because it's that love that caused Him to send Jesus to save and a Spirit to guide, and yet I can't remember the last time I looked in the mirror and really believed that God loved me. I look at the man in the mirror (I even struggle to use the word "man" there when "boy" still seems more accurate) and see someone in a constant struggle with anger, lust, arrogance, selfishness, and judgment, which causes me to wonder why any human being would love me, let alone a great and perfect and powerful God.
Yet I have no trouble at all believing that when God looks at His creation from my perspective, He loves what He sees. I am fully convinced that every person, every creature, every creation that I run into is loved and adored by Almighty God. There is no doubt in my mind that I am called by God to love the things that He loves, to love them the way that He does, by laying down my life for them whenever possible. Even though I struggle and fail constantly in this endeavor, I know my obligation as a child of God is to be "Jesus with skin on" to everyone and everything that I meet.
However hard it is to believe that God loves what He sees when He looks in my direction, I can easily see that He loves the perspective He's given me. I can see Him leaning back in a chair next to me as we look at my life and He whispers, "wow, look at the view!" And I must simply nod in agreement. If I stop running long enough to look, I am surrounded by wonderful, miraculous, horrible people in a beautiful, broken, sinful world. I am blessed with a wonderful life, a wonderful family, and a unique perspective on life, all of which are gifts from a God who loves me whether I believe it or not. So this blog is, in essence, an offering of sorts back to God, a chance for me to share with Him and with you what His creation looks like from my perspective. I hope that you love what you see as much as He does...
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